A Pirate's Life For Me

bri3395:

sapiosexual-musings:

andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels:

riddlemehiddleston:


This came into work today. I shortlisted it and displayed it on my cafe counter.
The back said something like “He is into BDSM. (Batman, Dragons, Star Wars, and Magic the Gathering).”
The first paragraph starts like this:

“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror brown eyes too big for her, stares back at me. Wait… my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking in the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kirsten Stewart for the past five minutes. My own hair is fine.”


my own hair is fine
oh my god where can i buy this



I have read this book and I assure you it is literary gold.

I’m on a mission now to find this book

bri3395:

sapiosexual-musings:

andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels:

riddlemehiddleston:

This came into work today. I shortlisted it and displayed it on my cafe counter.

The back said something like “He is into BDSM. (Batman, Dragons, Star Wars, and Magic the Gathering).”

The first paragraph starts like this:

“I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades of messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror brown eyes too big for her, stares back at me. Wait… my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I haven’t been looking in the mirror—I’ve been staring at a poster of Kirsten Stewart for the past five minutes. My own hair is fine.”

my own hair is fine

oh my god where can i buy this

image

I have read this book and I assure you it is literary gold.

I’m on a mission now to find this book

(Source: m3lodigression, via smalltowntori)

coagulates:

the worst part about ugly dudes is everyone defends them like ‘he’s really funny though’ or something but if a chick is ugly to someone they just straight up dirt like they might as well not even have a personality 

(Source: slimeeeman, via youmakemegoasdfghjkltjsl)

thatyoungsupermanlife:

moriarty-the-timetraveling-lemur:

thatgurl1996:

zuicom:

If Disney Princess’ had Instagram

😂 AHAHAHA

#Blackmailedintothis

straight-on-til-neverland

(Source: bforbel.com, via smalltowntori)

trillgamesh:


it’s like you’re my mirror

trillgamesh:

it’s like you’re my mirror

(Source: timberfakes, via smalltowntori)

dandilionstarcat:

wolffieworldorder:

*british person voice* “americans drive on the wrong side of the road”

image

really? because the majority of the world seems to disagree

finally america didnt fuck something up and call it good.

(via smalltowntori)

white people: this is SO spicy

me: it's water

“After high school you realize you were only friends with some people because you saw them five times a week.”
— (via richysanty)

(Source: sensxal-bliss, via youmakemegoasdfghjkltjsl)

tinychatter:

you don’t realize how attached you are to someone until you go without talking to them for a bit

(via youmakemegoasdfghjkltjsl)

heckacute:

I’m sorry I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy cutting open Fruit Gushers and squeezing all of the goo into a glass so I can take a shot of it because that has always been a dream of mine and now that I’m an adult with a job, I finally have the means to make it a reality. Please leave your name and number after the beep. 

(via youmakemegoasdfghjkltjsl)

enlargers:

"i dont know about you, but im feeling 22 officer so i dont think these underage drinking charges should really apply to me"

(via youmakemegoasdfghjkltjsl)

nerdjpg:

nerdjpg:

whats the coolest answer to a multiple choice question?

B)

(via youmakemegoasdfghjkltjsl)

repeals:

"Tumblr is literally all my thoughts i never say combined onto a dashboard."

(via smalltowntori)

“Your eyebrows are sisters, not twins.”

The most comforting beauty advice I’ve ever been given. (via cinniie)

mine are like distant cousins 

(via girl-farts)

(via smalltowntori)

nickelbackthatassup:

no emoji in the world can replace the depth of :/

(via lewis-andclark)